Every once in awhile, I become introspective.
Today is such a day.
I began by looking at the situations I found myself in and trying to figure out how I feel about it. Not what other people expect from me but what I was thinking or feeling about it.
I also began looking at the people I’ve loved. Loved in various ways, all silently but genuinely. As I looked at these people, I thought and prayed “Why? Why did I choose to love despite so many misgivings? Why did I continue down a path of this same pain with different faces? Was it my choice? Or was it me fully believing I was following Jesus?”
With the event today of someone announcing their next happy chapter in life, I realized that even though they have moved on without me I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was confidently in the will of the Lord. I know in my spirit, even now with hindsight where you normally lose confidence, that I was obeying the will of God. I was not following my own will, I was being obedient.
Yet when the time came the path laid out before me changed directions, I followed still. When I continued to follow even though I felt like I was without hope, my life simply blossomed. I was done waiting and putting my life on hold for these people who did not notice or did not want to.
Since the path moved in a different direction, God has been leading my spirit to receive His message of blessing. His message being “You have been obedient. You have been faithful even without ‘hope’, faithful as I am faithful. You, I will bless and lead on a path, a newly paved path. You need not worry about these other situations. I will provide. You need to relax and wait.”
So today, as I see the change of life for people, I realized my own change of life doesn’t include them. My change of life will be different and better in way than I could ever imagine. I am still in God’s will. This I am confident of. All I can pray is that I continue to follow His lead and not my own.